Blogger Notes

Sask 1 put me on her list to complete this challenge. There's a list of possible careers, you pick five of them, and then you go about describing how you think you would be at them. Now I hate chain-anythings, but for Sask 1 I will do it because she's just that kind of a kind person. But I will not give it to five other people as the game instructs. You can if you want to though. It was actually kind of fun. If you do, let me know so I can come read your responses.

If I could be a missionary...I would totally get one of those Xena outfits with the leather and the metal studs- and one of those chakram's she has (the throwy thing), and I would have weapons of all kinds strapped to every inch of my body, and I would blow up shit just for the fun of it, and...oh wait, that's a mercenary! I hate missionaries. I would infiltrate them and take them down from the inside.

If I could be an architect...I would design bathrooms that didn't amplify noise, in fact they would absorb noises (that's for my sweety SideShow Bob). And I would build houses like ships so that every square inch was useful. I would also design trap doors and secret passages into every house that I built. The houses would always be made of quality material and workmanship. All sides of the house would look good. All my houses would be earth friendly, and be self sustaining so you could go off the grid and become a hermit if you want to- stick it to those damn money grubbing utilities!

If I could be a psychologist...that would be great, especially considering that I just spent the last four years of my life studying to become one! I would be the Best Damn Psychologist- EVER! Well, my actual field will be animal behavior, specifically- cognitive ethology. I would design a way to communicate with animals so that I could finally find out why the hell my dog stares at the baby picture of my son almost religiously. (I mean, what's up with that?)

If I could be a lawyer...I would bite the heads off any opposing party and shit down their neck. I would have everyone pissing themselves whenever I walked into the courtroom; but actually they would have to wheel me into the courtroom in a cage to keep me from biting peoples' heads off and shitting down their necks. The judge would rule in my client's favor as soon as they saw that I was representing. (I'm a wee bit competitive. Good thing I'm becoming a psychologist- Bwahaha!).

If I could be an innkeeper...the walls and floor/ceilings would be made of concrete three feet thick so that no one would have to listen to someone else having a better time than they were. The elevators would always work. The hot tub would be immaculate and smell like a spring meadow- not covered in two inches of frothy scum and smell like a guys' locker room. The rooms would have a drain in the center so they could be hosed out with disinfectant after every checkout. There would always be enough hot water and ice and towels. The pool would be heated. All the linens would either be disposable or they would be bleachable and wouldn't be the texture of sandpaper and sound like a diaper when you sat down on them.


Well, there you have it. And here is the career list if you'd like to do it too:
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary... or mercenary, whatever...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a llama-rider...(by Ogre)
If I could be a bonnie pirate...(by Teach)
If I could be a service member...(by Jeremy)
If I could be a business owner...(by Blue 944)
If I could be an actor...(by Blue 944)
If I could be an agent...(by KelBel)
If I could be a video game designer...(by KelBel)
If I could be a comic book artist...(by Stoli)
If I could be a hooker...(by Pollo Loco)
If I could be a crack addict...(by Elizabeth)
If I could be a porn star...(by Elizabeth)
If I could be a mime...(by Garrison)
If I could be a domestic engineer...(by Rick)
If I could be a chimney sweep...(by laine)
If I could be a masseuse...(by laine)
If I could be a taxi driver...(by Brian)
If I could be a priest...(by Brian)
If I could be a fighter pilot...(by Sara)
If I could be a homeless person...(by Sara)
If I could be a biker...(by Walker)
If I could be a mortician...(by Walker)
If I could be a carnival worker...(by Sylvana)
If I could be a ice-cream truck driver...(by Sylvana)

Lyvvie said...

I'm wondering what a "Big Brother" house filled with nothing but psychologists would be like...

After a few weeks would they all be psycho-analyzing each other? What sort of neuroses would they display? would they break the Dr-client confidentiality to try and bring some new life to stale conversations? Shrink gossip?

Actually...I think a group of like minded lawyers would be better ratings. So long as they were like you, mind.

May 12, 2005 7:30 AM

Sask 1 said...

I loved your list.It was so funny.Poor side show bob though.Now everyone knows.
June

May 12, 2005 9:21 AM

sideshow bob said...

I have been pimping the noise baffling toilet for some time now...it just makes sense! Why should the room with the most embarrassing sounds have the best acoustics?!?

May 12, 2005 2:47 PM

The Doc said...

But Bob, without good acoustics, how could anyone have a decent shower solo? (Singing, people, singing. Get your minds out of the gutter.)

Also, I put up my 5 dream jobs at the Mayhem, if you're interested.

May 13, 2005 12:09 AM