Strange Dream

Sunday, December 31, 2006 | 0 Comments

Last night I dreamed that I was invited to be part of the cast of Saturday Night Live. The end of the show consisted of a skit that was reminicent of the 80s comedy showdowns in which at some point in the movie the goofy, mismatched group of characters are forced to go head to head with some dream team in a winner-take-all series of games.

The first game that I remember was a kind of talent show in which the audience got to pick the winners. It was down to Tina Fey, who was playing some old-lady character, and the character "Carol". I was truly appalled to watch "Carol" win (although I knew that the "Carol" skits always made me laugh).

As I was consoling Tina on her loss, the last game, a three legged race mostly consisting of people/characters that I didn't recognized, started. But there was one that I did - Ron Howard. He looked about 14. Tina Fey whispers to me, "How do you think he stays looking so young?" (She was still in her old-lady costume which made me snicker).

As the show was wrapping up I called my sister. We were supposed to go to a party one of my friends was having that night after the show. She had the directions and was the only ride I could get to the party. I hadn't seen the friend in a while and a lot of my other friends were going to be there. She said that she was coming to pick me up in about 15 minutes.

15 minutes later my son came walking into the studio. My sister had been watching him for me, so I grabbed my coat and said good-bye to the cast. She didn't come in with JD so I asked him where she was. "Oh, she left. She just dropped me off and left."

"Did she say she was coming back?"


At this point I could hear my brother Bo snickering. I had been allowed to bring one person to the studio for the Saturday night show and I had chosen him. I was going to ask him what was so funny, then I realized that he knew that my sister had had no intention of taking me to the party. I started beating him down with a rutabaga, swinging it by the green tops and wholloping him with the hard root. "You knew! You knew! I was allowed to bring one person, ONE PERSON! You are such an asshole!!" I yelled about how pissed I was, and how I was never going to forgive her or him for this.

And even as I said it, I realized that in a way I would because I forget things pretty easily. But NO! THIS I WOULD NOT FORGET AND I WOULD NOT FORGIVE!!! I promised myself. I was determined to remember and get my revenge on her!!

Then I woke up. At first I was really pissed off because I didn't get my chance to get back at her, then I laughed.


SierraBella said...

A Rutabaga?
That has some kind of deep meaning I just can't put my finger on!
Have a wonderful New Year!!!

Sylvana said...

Sierrabella, I'm pretty sure that the rutabaga came in to play just because it was funny. My mind has a way of finding a way to make fun of pretty much any situation.

OldRoses said...

Syl, that's some heavy emotional stuff you were sorting through. Glad you got it all worked out and can start off 2007 with a clean (emotional) slate.

Anonymous said...


Wendy A said...

I think you might need a shrink to analyse that. Dreams can be so strange.

Anonymous said...

Sorry- I stopped commenting for a while 'cause I switched to googlebeta something or other, and it was/is causing me a headache.

Anyway- every time I see Tina Fey on TV or hear an interview w/ her, I think of how cool it is that you had a dream about her. Why can't I meet Tina Fey in my dreams too?

Sylvana said...

OldRoses, aw, my new year started out like crap! But, thankfully, it now seems to be moving away from crapiness.

Salihah, thanks! My unconscious can be very clever.

Wendy, I generally don't put much meaning into my dreams; although, there have been a few times that I actually dreamed the future! Who knows. Maybe some day I will be beating my brother with a rutabaga and thing to myself, "OMG! I DREAMED THIS!"

Shannon, my mind has very few secrets from me. I knew what this dream was about. Most of it came from reading your post on TV shows! Tina Fey is from 30 Rock and she used to be on SNL which is how I included that. Ron Howard made Arrested Development, and whenever I hear his name I ALWAYS picture Opie.

Anonymous said...

hello yummy :-) remember me...

I am back :-)


Elizabeth said...

I hate it when dream-emotions run into real life. They make the whole day seem less real. Funny dream, though.

Sylvana said...

Van!, hey, good to see you again! Aw, I bet you call all the girls "yummy";)

Elizabeth, SSB and I both have woke up pissed at each other because of things that have happened in dreams. Luckily, it doesn't last long!

Re-posting for the Holidays

Wednesday, December 20, 2006 | 0 Comments

I have a couple of posts that I'm working on, but would like to revisit one of my first posts since it is so appropriate for the time of year. I've been hearing a lot of people complain about the same things that I address in this posts, so I thought that I would try to empower people to make Christmas better.

Bah, Humbug!
December 13, 2004

Christmas has been one of my least favorite holidays for quite a few years (since early childhood really). It has come to symbolize inadequacy, disappointment, family feuds, ungratefulness, and sickening materialism. The calculations one must perform in order to get just the right kind of gifts for the right amount of people to avoid appearing to favor one loved one over another is way too complicated for a holiday that really is supposed to symbolize good will toward your fellow human being. This holiday has been the source of many a family brawl and has always lead to ill feelings in my family. Not to mention the stores during this time of year become battlegrounds where only the ruthless survive. Because of these reasons I went years without really celebrating it. Then one day I had a brilliant idea. Instead of getting gifts for people who already have everything that they need, why not get presents for those who don't? That made so much sense I couldn't believe that I had lived so long without thinking of it before. It perfectly fits the spirit of the season and it finally makes me feel good about Christmas again. I know that the people who get the gifts will appreciate them. It gives me a greater appreciation for what I have. No more returns and re-gifting (come on, we all do it!). I now look forward to Christmas; it has regained it's meaning for me. I think that all the people that have grown cynical of this holiday should try it. If enough people do it I feel the world can be a much better place to live. If you still feel that you need to get something for your family members, you can give them a card that says that a donation has been made in their name to whatever organization you decide to give your gifts to. I do Toys for Tots (there's just something about a bunch of tough Marines giving toys to needy kids that melts my heart) and I buy a cart full of groceries for the local food shelf. How can you not feel fantastic about that? People in need have a happier holiday and I get a high that last the whole season.


Wendy A said...

Yes! and random acts of kindness. That truly is the christmas spirit.
I once stopped the car on a busy highway late on Christmas eve and gave a poor homeless lady pushing a shopping cart full or her own possessions a $50.00 bill. The surprise on her face was the best present ever.

I still buy to much for my kids.

Derek Knight said...

There are certain people on our gift list who'm I've stopped trying to please and started getting suitable "re-gifting" items so they can just wrap it up and give it away. As far as the "a donation has been made in your name" stuff goes, just make sure that it's an organization or cause that the recipient would support anyhow...Otherwise it just seems preachy...My uncle had a tree planted in our name somewhere in Africa on Christmas. No picture, no map...Just the promise that somewhere in Africa, I have a tree. I wonder how my tree is doing from time to time...

Sylvana said...

Wendy A, I like to do things like that too.

Derek, I don't think that donating food to our local food shelf or toys to Toys for Tots would really be stepping on anyone's toes. But seriously, I would not care because I am constantly suffering the preachiness of my family, so much so that at this point it would be an added bonus if I knew that they felt that they were getting a taste of it back.

Anonymous said...

Nice thoughts.

Hope you & SSB have a festive time this year. Don't forget to leave the milk and cookies out for the big guy in red.

Kari said...

aww, that's really sweet of you! a friend of mine likes to buy mc d's value meals every once in a while and then give it to a homeless guy.

sands of time said...

Hope you have a wonderful christmas holiday

Anonymous said...

My brother got my mom & grandma donations to an African village for Christmas. My grandma got two trees dedicated to her, and my mom got a goat. I don't know what that says about my mom, but I think it's a good thought.

Merry Christmas, Sy.

Anonymous said...

Merry Christmas Sylvana! Best wishes to you and your family.

AG said...

Merry Christmas!

Sylvana said...

Shamus, everyone puts out cookies for Santa, but what about his reindeer?

Kari, I've done that before.

The Doc, did your mom get an actual goat? That would be a very interesting gift.

OL, Sandy, and AG, thanks, you too!

Anonymous said...

Now a goat - that's a great gift!

That's the perfect post for me to read today - I had a pretty annoying Christmas and this made me feel better! Hope you & SSB had a great holiday!

Sylvana said...

Heather, aw, thanks! We did. quiet, but good.

What's That Sound?

Tuesday, December 12, 2006 | 0 Comments

In the paraphrased words of the infamous Ross Perot, that sound would be the big sucking sound. But not of jobs, of renters.

Seriously. Two days after we signed a lease for the one apartment, the tenant in the lower unit gave his notice. What the hell? I think that the economy has finally driven him to move in with his girlfriend.

THEN two days later (today) SSB drove out to our other property to find out what was going on with the tenant there. He hadn't paid rent yet and when I called, his phone had been disconnected. We knew the tenant was on disability, although we weren't sure what his disability was. I told SSB that if the tenant didn't answer the door he should go in to check if the heat was still on and if all the water was off; but that if he was greeted with any funny smells, he should just call the cops.
After sufficiently freaking him out with that little nugget he was actually relieved to find not a body lying on the floor, but this instead:

"Had to move. Keep deposit. I just spent $300.00 on gas. Thanks!"

Yes, that is indeed a brown paper towel, like the ones that they have in gas station bathrooms. SSB said all the water was off, the heat was turned down but not off, and the place was exceptionally clean as well. The "gas" refers to the LP tank that he apparently just had filled for the winter. Now why would he get the tank filled and then move?

Odd. Very, very odd.

All day we have been developing a story to go with it. Themes so far involve being arrested, running from the law, witness protection program, running from the mob, secret agent, abducted by aliens, and schizophrenia.
I suggest you have a little fun and create your own story.

I'll miss him. He was a good renter.

And on the secret agent note...
I went to see Casino Royale tonight.

I was really skeptical. I had been lobbying for Adrian Paul as the new Bond (it was my very first post, in fact!). But he didn't get it. :(
So I was ready to hate ANY new Bond.
But I just couldn't. He's too good. Very dark, handsome, tough, mysterious, funny, rough around the edges, with a vein of sensitivity hidden somewhere deep inside. A fabulous Bond.

Sorry Adrian.


Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

Yes, the new Bond rules.

There's a great site called "Found" that has all sorts of things like that note. It's fun to try and fill in the blanks.

Flubberwinkle said...

This post is packed with suspense, action, bad guys /good guys.

A thoughtful fugitive who runs but
>>turns off the water supply in case of a leak,
>>leaves a filled LP tank
>> AND a clean house behind?
Sounds like MY kind of "criminal".

I've heard good things about this new Bond. James Bond. I'm sold and plan on seeing this new double-O 7 flick soon.

OldRoses said...

Deadbeat Dad. They spend money on everything but their kids.

Shannon said...

I agree w/ Shamus- FOUND magazine is a good place for that note. How strange- I don't get the gas reference...what's an LP tank?

I felt so-so on the Bond movie. I liked the new actor as Bond...I agree he was awesome, but the movie itself was too long. As soon as I thought the plot was resolved, they kept going and going. They needed to re-pace it to make it flow better.

But I love the rough Bond character. How badass!

Derek Knight said...

Scenario A: The joint was haunted. The old man got tired of having conversations with the dead at 3am every morning and went in search of a less haunted place to live.

Scenario B: Kidnapped! Or...Oldmannapped! The, the napper forced him to scrawl the note prior to taking him to Canada to serve as his manservant.

Scenario C: (my favorite) after many years of "just getting by," your tenant decided to finally pursue his childhood dream of running off to join the circus. I saw him last week, actually, working as "limpy the disabled clown." He's an inspiration to all the kids out there who have no skill set, but yet they just keep trying. By the way, his torch juggling routine went poorly but the EMTs responded quickly enough that he'll be back up and around within the next year.

Sylvana said...

Shamus, SSB popped over there really quick and we were very glad that our renter didn't leave us THIS NOTE.

Flubberwinkle, it certainly could have been worse.

OldRoses, damn dead beat dads! I don't think that was the case. He was living off disability. If they found him to give him check, they found him to garnish it too.

Shannon, LP gas is basically liquid propane.

The false endings in Casino Royale were on purpose to surprise and increase the sense of tragedy. It's the same tool they use in horror movies to really scare you.

Derek, maybe that's how he got disabled in the first place!

sands of time said...

I have to agree i love Daniel Craig as the new bond.

Kari said...

Hey Sylvana!!!!

Yes, my dad rents out property too and it is such a hassle running around after people. One of our tenants actually stole all of our doorknobs, light switch plates and any other little nuggets he could find. Ridiculous.

I think the secret agent is most interesting. Also, it might explain why it was so clean.

Anonymous said...

How about schizophrenic aliens?

Sylvana said...

OL, he wasn't even on the list of potential Bonds when I was promoting Adrian Paul.

Kari, glad to see that you are back! I thought that the things that our tenants took were weird - like the shelves above the washer and dryer and showerheads.

Salihah, I'd run from schizophrenic aliens too!

Wendy A said...

I think he was diagnosed with teminal cancer and didn't want to hassel the security deposit inspection procedures. Life is really just too short to sweat the small stuff.

Maybe he won the lotto and the deposit just seem insignificant in comparision to the millions he won.

I am going to check out the New Bond.

Sylvana said...

Wendy A, I LOVE both of those stories!! Very creative.

SierraBella said...

I love wendy a's lotto story too!

Sylvana said...

Sierrabella, I could stand to win the lottery, but right now I would settle for some really good renters.

Anonymous said...

Loved the note. Great story.

I've heard good things about Casino Royale so maybe I'll haul my lazy backside out to the movies to see it.

Hope you had happy holidays!

Sylvana said...

Douglas, I know you would appreciate the note we found in the medicine cabinet written on the back of a packaged bandage, "I DON'T HAVE ADD, IT'S JUST... hey, LOOK! A SQUIRREL"

I am finally done with floors!! (For a while, anyway. SSB and I agreed to help out a friend put in flooring in her duplex to get it ready to rent out). We finished our office floor and the other bedroom floor in the apartment. Here are the before and after of the apartment bedroom floor #2.

Such an improvement, huh? That carpet looked MUCH WORSE in person. So if you think that it looks bad in the picture, just be glad that you didn't have to see it up close!

AND, we finally got the apartment rented!! Yay!! Now I can get back to more important things, like blogging.

JD had his 14th birthday. We had the party at the bowling alley again. The kids just love that. I don't have a picture of his DQ cake since we took the pictures on *gasp* 35mm! and haven't got the damn things developed yet. But here is a picture of what we had on his birthday a week after the party:

I made the pie from scratch, even the crust is from scratch. No canned filling either. I cut up the pumpkin and seasoned it myself. It was YUMMY!

My mom put the candles on. He's not 8, he's 14. I think she was just going for a symmetrical design using what few candles she had on hand.

Why do they let John Madden on the air. He is a completely irritating person. "I will talk a lot about absolutely nothing and circle everything."

We're not getting a WALMART!!! Those bastards. They have been pushing to get into our little town for a couple of years. Most people do not want one here, but the city planners were salivating over the prospect. I personally think that the planners must have been offered kick-backs to let them in. But, it doesn't matter because the DOT stepped in and said no-way to putting a stop light on a new 4 lane highway project that was created to allow for faster commutes and Walmart didn't want to wait over 5 years for an overpass.

I got my own bowling shoes! No more paying to wear grubby communal shoes! And aren't they adorable? You can't tell by this picture, but the off-white smooth parts of the shoes are actually iridescent.

I bowled pretty well too. I got the highest series of our team tonight.

NaNoWriMo turned out to be NaNoWriNo. I did get almost 3,000 words written, but that is a far cry from the 50,000 that were needed. Oh, well. There is always next year; and it is very good motivation to write.


Heather said...

Congrats on finishing the floor! Looks great. I wouldn't even know where to begin making a pumpkin pie from scratch! Well done. And the shoes ARE adorable. :)

The Doc said...

I think that 3000 words are acceptable with your involvement in the flooring saga (which looks very good!). I'm glad you're enjoying your bowling; not a huge fan myself, but I can see the potential for fun-times-having.

Sylvana said...

Heather, and they are comfortable.

The Doc, "flooring saga" - that had me laughing.

OldRoses said...

I made a pumpkin pie from a pumpkin once long ago. You're absolutely right. Nothing comes close to that yummy taste! I make my own crusts too but they aren't as pretty as yours.

AG said...

Those shoes are HOT!

sands of time said...

Belated birthday wishes to JD.
Great job on those floors as well and i love your bowling shoes.

SierraBella said...

OMG, I'm getting rid of the exact same carpet next week! Already ripped it out myself, so I could paint.
I'm doing new carpet, but just love your wood floors!
Belated wishes to JD.

Scott said...

Well don't keep us in suspense.... what was your bowling score?

Sylvana said...

OldRoses, I learned how to pinch the crust edges from my grandma.

AG, we actually talked about how much you would like them when I was purchasing them!

OL, thanks. I can't believe how big he's getting.

Sierrabella, I remember you saying that you had some pretty awful carpet. I couldn't imagine that carpet ever being "in style" enough to be found across the country!

Scott, you know, I can't remember what my high score for the night was, but my series was 375.

Wendy A said...

Flooring look fabulous. What an impovement.

Those shoes are adorable.