A while back he was complaining about how Mom does not fulfill her wifely duties. He went on to list what he felt were those duties and all the ways he felt that she violated them (uh, it was pretty much this "good wife guide"). I asked him if that's what he wanted for me. To be a "good little wife" and do whatever my husband told me to do. To cook all his meals and make sure that he's happy before all others, including myself, and even, God Forbid...My FATHER!!
He stammers a little and finally replies, "Well, no. Not you. It's not the same."
"How so?" I ask.
"Well, because you're my daughter."
"Don't you think that all these other women are somebody's daughter?" I ask.
He gets really flustered because he knows once again, I've got him. He hates arguing with me because I always win. And not just out-argue him, it's that he knows I'm right. And I'm not afraid to stand up for what I believe is right- no matter who I have to go up against. He once told me that was one thing that he most disliked and most admired about me. He said he liked that I could take care of myself and he never had to worry about me, but he didn't like it when it was used against him. You're not the only one, Dad.
Here's what he had to say about it in the email he sent me: By God Fred I like it.
Let's keep this one going.
Here's what I sent back to him: Dad, you already sent this too me awhile back and I already told you how offensive I thought it was. What kind of message are you trying to send me, anyway? This is a description a slave, not a wife. I'm disappointed that you don't have more respect for me as a woman. Your Loving Daughter, Sylvana
He calls me a man hater- I call him a woman hater. He says that's just the way it is and the way it's supposed to be. I told him that's what they said about slavery. I doubt he'd feel I got him on that one. He's not entirely against the idea.
Here are a few gems that I particularly find interesting in the article:
*Third bullet- "Be a little gay and interesting for him." Well isn't that every man's dream?
*Sixth bullet- "After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with emmense personal satisfaction."
*Seventh bullet- "They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part" They are people, not things to gawk at.
*Tenth bullet- "Let him talk first- remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours."
*Fourteenth bullet- "Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day."
But the last two are the most insidious! "Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him" AND FINALLY- "A good wife knows her place."
Well, I have just got myself sufficiently pissed off enough again that I can't really think of anything else to say that doesn't involve mostly profanatory rambling. But it should be no mystery that I think this is pure and utter BULLSHIT! And you'd better damn well be prepared to defend any support for such nonsense.
ugh! your dad sounds like a real prize as a husband. I feel sorry for your mom.
Is SSB happy with your marriage? are YOU happy with your marriage?
then that's really all that counts, and it's none of your dad's business!
June 02, 2005 9:48 AM
That 'thing' sounds so 1950ish.
Your mother must be an angel...
that is all I can say!
June 02, 2005 11:41 AM
You might take some comfort in knowing it's probably a fake, although it does accurately reflect the attitude towards women 50 years ago. Be glad how much things have changed! And be wary of the people who think that time was idyllic and want to go back!
June 02, 2005 1:33 PM
Scott, I'm not sure what you're saying about it being a fake. It's real in that some men obviously still think that this line of thinking is valid- and more importantly my Dad does and feels that I could learn something from it. Not cool; he's a jerk in that respect.
As for my own marriage, I NEVER would have married a man that felt this was the way it should be. It has to be a partnership, not servitude. We are the best of friends and we do things to please each other. That's the way it SHOULD be!
June 02, 2005 5:18 PM
Ugh, I hope your dad is being just a little sarcastic. Men should be doing this for women, damn it! Sitting in an office all day is nothing compared to being a stay-at-home mom.
June 02, 2005 6:23 PM
Hmmm...
I have three daughters. I think I'll take this, switch all the husband/wife references around, and tell them that this is what they should expect of their significant others.
June 02, 2005 7:30 PM
And people feel sorry for me that I am not married!
June 02, 2005 10:01 PM
My parents marriage appeared to be made in heaven for I can scarcely remember a single cross word ever spoken between them. But it was based on a lop sided devotion of my Mother to my father, who reigned supreme. And to whom she spoilt rotten.
It belongs to a past era, never to be repeated, as my father was nearly killed in the 2nd world war, being away for a long time and discharged from the air force. In those circumstances only Sylvana maybe that behaviour can be acceptable. If you want to read that story and its hardships, its on my blog under "Charlie a Father",as he was my father.You may find it interesting,one that belongs to another era.
Best wishes
June 03, 2005 7:42 AM
I remember finding a "How To Be A Proper Wife" manual on one of my friend's bookshelves when I was in high school, and had myself a good laugh, as I figured it was a joke. Then I was politely informed that it was given to my friend's mom by her dad on her wedding day. Yeesh.
Those things should be read with shock and amusement - not as a lifestyle guide. Sylvana, your mom must have to be a goddess of self-restraint in order to deal with crap like that. I guess that makes you a demi-godess, huh?
June 03, 2005 7:44 PM
This is the most offensive thing I've heard of in a while. I am seriously glad we live in an age where we can agree that this *should* be a joke even if it isn't.
You're mom must have to put up with a lot. I almost want to send her flowers!
June 04, 2005 10:47 AM
Maybe W could use this...just change the word 'wife' to 'citizen' and 'husband' to 'President'.
*-Don't complain if he runs roughshod over other countries in search for mythical weapons. Just think of how hard he's got it compared to you.
*-Don't question his ideas or motives concerning Social Security. Remember, your elected officials (the Republican ones, anyway) know what's best for you. They are masters of the country, and as such you can be sure they will carry out our Supreme Leader's every whim with fairness and truthfulness.
June 04, 2005 10:49 AM
I can prepare a list with a heading "a tyrant husband's duties' or some thing like that, just to irritate your father. Your blog is super.
June 08, 2005 7:02 AM
My dad sent me that, as well. With the knowledge that I would write him back and say "Yeah, kiss my ass". To which he replied "Yeah, that's what your mom said, too".
They try, these men, but they know they will fail.
June 08, 2005 2:58 PM
And I am a man too, have mercy on me.
June 09, 2005 8:08 AM
Karla, I think I like your mom, and I'm so glad you turned out like her in that way.
June 10, 2005 7:54 PM
My husband and I read this awhile back and got a good chuckle. Men who would want this are weak men. Weak men seek weak women. A man that would want a life like that, I would eat alive. He would run away with his tail between his legs crying like a little girl. I like my men strong.
August 10, 2005 12:19 AM
You sound like my kind of woman!
August 10, 2005 1:49 PM