Well, I didn't confront them because I had already said my peace over the phone. Besides, that wasn't the time or the place to have it out with them. I was supposed to ask my brother if he got a turkey (both my brothers missed my graduation to go turkey hunting- something that they could do any year. I have such a lovely family), but I totally forgot. I was too busy arguing with Kate and my brother's idiotic friends.
Kate must have pissed off my other SIL (she always reminds me of Suzanne Summers, so we'll call her Suzy) at some point before we got there. She was tensing up for the attack as we walked into the kitchen to say hello. Kate waves a big kitchen knife at all of us as we sit down.
K: I just want y'all to know that I made the Dean's List. [complete with a slight southern drawl]
S: Well, Ricky made the Dean's List too.
K: Well, this isn't about him. This is about me.
S: Well, you know, you're not the only person to ever make the Dean's List!!
Now it takes a lot to get Suzy that mad. I'm not sure what Kate did, but I know she most likely deserved it. Maybe it was along the same lines as what she pulled on me later. There was BBQ pork and club sandwiches for the party. I don't eat mammals (I might have some a few times a year for special occasions, like when I went to Scotland I had to try the haggis- and it was delicious! The veggie haggis was even better though), but there were plenty of sliced veggies and cheese so I grabbed a BBQ bun and started building happily away. As I'm putting on the mustard, ketchup and mayo Kate screws up her face.
K: Ew! What are you doing?!
Sy: I'm putting condiments on my sandwich.
K: I mean- you're not going to put all that stuff on your BBQ?
Sy: No. I don't eat beef-
K: It's not beef it's pork.
Sy: Well, I don't eat that either.
She looks at me like I just confessed to being a cannibal.
K: What do you mean you don't- when did you-do you not eat any meat? Are you vegan?
Sy: No. I like chicken.
K: What about seafood?
Sy: Yes, I eat seafood.
She puts her hands on her hips and leans back like she had just caught me in a lie.
K: I don't get it. You'll eat that, but you won't eat beef or pork. What's the difference?
So I told her what I tell everyone to lighten the mood. "I don't eat anything with eyebrows." This is the only person that I have ever told that to that didn't find it funny.
K: What?! [she jumped in front of me] How do you know they have eyebrows?
Sy: ??? Look, Just let me make my sandwich the way that I want and don't worry about it.
I plopped the top on my sandwich and walked away. She stood over by the sandwich table and stewed a bit. Suzy and the others asked me what was going on over there. I told them. They rolled their eyes.
A few minutes went by and Kate came over to confront me again. She had tried really hard to compose herself.
K: You know. I just wanted to know why. I was just curious.
Sy: You didn't sound curious. You sounded like you were accusing me of something.
K: What! No! I really was just curious.
Sy: Uh, no. You weren't. Quite frankly, you seemed to be attacking me.
Suzy's dad says, "Hey, that sandwich looks good! I bet it's really healthy too."
I smiled at him. "It is really good!"
K: I really hope that you don't think that I was attacking you. Why won't you tell me? I just want to know.
I start to explain, she listens to about 30 secs and she leaves.
SSB: Oh yeah, she really wanted to know.
We all laughed.
Luckily she wasn't like that the whole night. She did wander around for the first two hours complaining to people that she really was expecting more people. There were about 50-70 people, which I thought was a good turn out. It's not polite to say that to your guests. It kind of gives people the impression that the ones she really wanted to come didn't show up. Oh, of course you'd show up. But she really can be a hoot. After she got a 1/2 gallon of punch in her, she was pretty happy. Maybe it was because she was seeing 100-140 people. :)
The karaoke guys set up and Kate came to bug me to go sing "The Rose". I sang it with her about 5-8 years ago and I guess she liked it. I hemmed and hawed. Then she enlisted Suzy's dad. "Come on, Sy. Come sing a song with me."
"Sure. What do you want to sing."
"How about 'The Rose'?"
Right. I knew what was going on. And sure enough, when we were up there, I was the only one singing. But, it opened the floodgates of fun.
SSB is not what you would call social. He prefers very small crowds. I was so glad that he was excited about going to the party. But then he surprised me even more- HE SANG!! Oh yeah! Like ALL NIGHT!!! We had a blast!! We warmed up with Alien Ant Farm- Smooth Criminal. Then he sang a couple of rap songs with Kate. I just want to let you all know-rap is very hard to sing. We ended up singing every third word, which maybe among the three of us ended up sounding like a whole song. Either way, it was refreshing to get away from all those lame country songs that everyone else was singing.
We sang Tainted Love together and Bohemian Rhapsody. Everyone loved it! They loved our energy, and we just let ourselves have a lot of fun singing them. SSB also sang a couple Beastie Boys songs. He loves them, but part way into the songs he realized that he really didn't know them all that well, so he just made up his own lyrics. People loved it! It was so funny.
Someone was in the house asking where Kate's drink was. Her son, about 10, listed a bunch of possible alcoholic drinks to see if he knew where it might be. Kate says, "I don't know whether to be embarrassed or damn proud that he knows that much about alcohol brand names." Later SSB also heard him ending a story he was telling some people with, "...and that was the most drunk that I have ever seen my mom." SSB thought there might be a good show and tell story in there somewhere.
By the end of the night Kate was randomly grabbing the mic from people and instructing people to either go try the punch because it was wicked, or to stay away from the punch because it was wicked. Sometimes she suggested both. She kept singing the same songs over and over. And she was constantly informing everyone how drunk she was and how much she loved them. It was almost like she was fishing for a date. I'm glad she loosened up. She was far more fun.
We slept in the living room- well I did, SSB just tried to sleep. Drunk people were up all night doing drunk things. A couple guys got on their crotch rockets and tried to see how many spins it took to get to the center of their tires. No one had the heart to tell them that there was no Tootsie Roll center, apparently. Those puppies were bald the next morning. At some point a group of them woke me up as they were trying to sneak upstairs to pull a prank on someone. They kept talking in the drunk whisper, which is actually like yelling, about a pistol under the pillow and how someone was probably going to get shot. I didn't want to know- seriously! The cops were called at least once. People were passed out all over, even in the driveway. And there was always some one in the fridge looking for those damn sandwiches.
In the morning, 7 frickin 20 in the morning!!, the moron brigade came in for sandwiches and sent Ricky's dog barking. I know that dog (the cutest little daschund) pretty well and she just loves me to death so I called for her. The Big Idiot (Bo's best friend), was shshing her to no avail. I yelled for him to leave her alone and not to touch her. The dog came running into where I was- backwards. She was not about to take her eye off the Idiot. He was following her. He bent over a couple of times to try and pick her up. She bit at his hands, snarling and barking. "Stop it! Don't touch her!" I yelled at him. I told her to come by me. She ran to me wagging her tail and immediately backed herself into my arm pit and continued barking at him. He walked over to try and pick her up again. "What are you trying to do?" I asked. He said that he was trying to get her to stop barking. I told him to get his hands off her and get the hell out of the room. She'll quit barking if you leave her alone. Why is that so difficult for you to understand?! To which one of the other idiots replied, "Your brother's way cooler." and then they left the room. The dog was so happy to see them go she turned and licked my face like crazy. Like hey, thanks for the back-up. You're a scary barker!
We had to leave early since SSB was fed up with the morons and we weren't sure if the person who we asked to take care of our pets had gotten the message to go do it. It was a great party! We haven't had that much fun in quite some time. I will definitely make plans to go next year- if they invite us. Or maybe even if they don't ;)
-
Sask 1 said... Thats was awesome.You had me laughing so much.Especially the part with the eyebrows.
June- SierraBella said...
Sounds like my in-laws!
They make great blog-fodder...
Good story.- evilsciencechick said...
pft! no one is cooler than you! I am totally inviting you and SSB to my next kareoke party.
sounds like a fun party! except for the moron bit.
and i'm sorry...but you don't eat pork???? you crazy woman!...pork bbq....mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
damn. now I'm hungry.- Sylvana said...
June, Thanks! You know, she seriously wasn't amused.
Sierrabella, I have TONS of family stories! My family is very entertaining.
ESC, aw, thanks! I'd love to come to your party and sing. We'd have oodles of fun, I tell you what.
The morons give you more stories to tell and someone to have a laugh at their expense! (evil!)
I have never really liked pork. Sorry. I LOVE BBQ chicken though!! We just made a mesquite BBQ the other day and it was F-A-BU_LOUS!- Lyvvie said...
Sounds like heaven...just...all of it.
I'm using the "I don't eat anything with eyebrows" line. I usually say, "I only eat ugly animals, so you better get away from me." but it is a bit aggressive...But then Kate sounds like the kind of person it'd be fun to bully.- Sylvana said...
Lyvvie, she IS fun to bully because she is such a bully herself!
- sideshow bob said...
Sy,
Let's go back to my place
And sniff some glue:)- The Doc said...
Sylvana - But bacon tastes good. Pork chops taste good.
Really sounds like an interesting party. And you sound a lot more fun than your brother, but you don't need me to tell you that...- Sylvana said...
SSB, that was SO FUNNY! If I had a drink, I totally would have spit it out.
TheDoc, I like some bacon, but I have never liked pork chops very much, and I seriously do not like ham.
Thank you. Kate is also a lot more fun than my brother- unfortunately you usually have to get her loaded first.- Shannon said...
That sounds like the kind of party where the best part is making fun of everyone, kinda like those two guys hanging out on the balcony from the muppets.
AND wouldn't it be even better next year if you're not invited and have to crash it! Bring a jar of vegemite just to confuse 'em.- OldRoses said...
I kinda figured as I was reading that Kate was waaaaaay more fun drunk. So I guess the secret to a good time is to get her drunk as early as possible.
- DrMax said...
I've said it before and I'll say it again, ahhhhh Wisconsin. Syl you and SSB bring it alive for me again. Especially your descriptions of excessive alcohol consumption. Been there, suffered legendary hangovers from that!
- Sylvana said...
Shannon, we did that- A LOT!
OldRoses, I think she was extra special bitchy on this particular occasion from the stress of the party. But you know, she's not too bad because you can usually bitch right back at her and she gets over it very quickly.
DrMax, we are the Party State! You know you can't spit in Wisconsin without hitting a bar.- firechild said...
"...Later SSB also heard him ending a story he was telling some people with, "...and that was the most drunk that I have ever seen my mom." WTF!!! can you say child endangerment? sorry, i hate it when people act like it's ok for children to see things that they really shouldn't. a drunk parent is one of them.
- Sylvana said...
Firechild, you don't know Wisconsin, do you? Alcohol is a very common part of our culture. It is fairly common to be exposed to it from a very young age. I probably had my first drink when I was 8.
- JoyLuck said...
Party sounds fun, little bit of in-law drama, little bit of hunch in the punch, great laughs, great oldies. What more could you ask for?
Funny that you're brother is like Bo Duke. Luke Duke is my favorite, though. Mostly because when you say his first and last name fast enough, over and over, it sounds like you are drinking a great beverage.- Sylvana said...
It was a great party. I'm still thinking about it!
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