Oh, dear readers, I am having such a dilemma right now. My son, JD, has expressed an interest in going back to the public school system, and I don't know if it is the right thing to do for him.
A little background info:* He is an exceptionally smart boy. He was reading and doing basic math before kindergarten. He was beginning multiplication and division by the first grade. He was doing high school science by the fourth grade.
* We had his IQ tested in the first grade to try and convince the school to skip him a grade. He had a combined score of around 150 where as the average score for that test was between 98 and 106. Let's just say, for those who are unfamiliar with IQ test scores, that he's pretty damn smart.
* The school was unsatisfied with this result claiming that the testing must have been completed incorrectly. They had originally refused to do the testing themselves, but decided to do one after these results. Their results? THE SAME!! And yes, he was bumped up a grade.
* They refused to allow him access to another program that would have been helpful to him because they didn't want him to "move ahead too fast". This said two things to me. 1) They felt that he was advanced enough to keep moving ahead at an accelerated pace. 2) They didn't feel that we could make good decisions about our child's education.
* We were often reminded that the school knew what to do better than we, mere mortal parents.
* The school not only was unprepared to help our son, they were also unwilling. They preferred to reprimand and drug him than to provide him the education that he needed and deserved.
* We were told, personally, by the school psychologist, that "he isn't as smart as you think he is" (this was of course before the IQ test), "his problem is that he needs more of an adult influence at home", "your son is a lying. manipulating little weasel"...I don't think I need to go on.
* We were pressured by other parents as well as the faculty to switch him to a different school, "his own, where he belongs". (the background on this- in WI we have open enrollment which means that the children can be enrolled in whatever district that they want. We had enrolled JD in this school while we were still living in that district, but moved before he started kindergarten and decided that it would be easiest to just leave him in that district. Yep, that was so easy!)
We pulled him out of school after confidential information was given to his teacher by his counselor. She said that although she understood that we did not want this information leaked, she felt that it was in the best interest of JD. Like we hadn't considered what was in his best interest. It had to do with a certain drug that we were trying out, in private, without wanting the school and all their well meaningness to get their slimely paws on. Well, once it was known that he was taking the drug, they began pressuring us to put him on more of it. Basically, they were trying to slow him down so that he was easier to deal with. This pressure to give him more was exactly the reason that I had given the counselor for not letting this information out and she had insisted that our fears were unfounded. She said that the school understood that we were the parents and those decisions were up to us. Right, like the decision to keep that information confidential. So we yanked him out of school.
It had not been an easy decision, but it was definitely the right one. He had been coming home in foul moods everyday since the first grade (THAT is a story for another time!). He was miserable. It would take nearly all of summer vacation just to get him anywhere near right again. Then it would start all over. After we took him out of school, he slooooowllly but surely got back a little of his old happy-go-lucky love-of-life-and-people self. Right now I would say that he is over 90% restored, which is such a relief!
So now, as you can tell, I am very nervous about even contemplating this. Why should I subject him to those possibilities again? Why should I risk wrestling for control over the guidance and decisions concerning my son to a bunch of strangers? Why should I chance the destruction of his psyche and emotional balance?
He says that the competition that schools offer would really help motivate him- ie. grades and others getting grades. He says that he would like to make new friends- he has lots of friends, but is always looking for more. He says that he is concerned that it will be more difficult to get into college as a homeschooler- which every year is getting easier, but still can be difficult with some colleges. He says that he wants the schedule and the extra activity, and that he generally just wants to experience that whole part of life that everyone else is going through. Fair enough. Besides, he says, if it doesn't work out, we can just go back to homeschooling.
This last thing is a bit of concern for me though. Will it really be that easy? Right now he is under the radar. We got him out while he was still young, too young to be considered a threat to society if he were deemed a problem child (which he had been labelled while at that school). If we send him back to school and he is deemed a "problem" that might not be so easy to get away. They might just fight us on it. Considering the school's inability in the past to treat us with dignity and respect, I hardly doubt that a few years is going to make a difference. We still look like we are in our early twenties- and to them I guess you have to be REAL OLD to be a wise and responsible parent.
I just want to say here that AGE DOES NOT EQUAL WISDOM!
So that's the dilemma. I am setting up a meeting with the school principal to voice our concerns and get some answers before we make any decisions. I will know by his reactions whether this is a good idea or not.
sideshow bob said...
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