Blogger Notes

[Go here to read a faster version of the "encounter" at the theater]

Tonight was the last night for March of the Penguins at the theater in town, so we went. The theater was maybe a third full since it was the last showing. There were a lot of families there since it was a G movie and it had cute, fuzzy babies in it. How could you not want to bring your kid to that?

The movie started with the penguins rising from the sea to start their migration to their breeding ground further inland. I whispered to SSB that they looked like people in bags hobbling along. They really do look like people from a distance. Over the course of the next 5 minutes in which all we were hearing was wind and music, and all we were seeing was the penguins walking, scooting, and falling over, I whispered about popcorn, how cool the penguins looked when they went from scooting to standing- almost a spiritual look to them, and finally asked why he thought they traveled so far to breed.

All of a sudden I could here a loud Snap! Snap! Snap!

I ignored it. Then there was a "Hey! Hey!" with the Snap! Snap! Snap!

So I looked to find out what the hell was going on. This guy, five seats down, was leaning across the back of some seats over the head of his child sitting next to him, snapping his fingers loudly and yelling at me, "Hey! Hey! Are you planning on talking through the whole movie?"

What? What the hell is this guys problem?

Now, I understand movie protocol. I normally do not talk during a movie, but this theater was packed with kids that were also talking, crying, yelling out. There were adults that were actually talking to each other- not whispering- talking! I was whispering. Very quietly. SSB isn't deaf and he could barely hear me. And he was sitting next to me. Why this guy singled me out, I have no idea.

I was going to say, "I'm not sure yet. I guess we'll see."

But I was with SSB and I didn't want to start anything and make him tense. He gets enough tension at work. So I just glared at the guy and shook my head.

The penguins made it to the breeding ground and started to pair off. I heard that they did too much anthropomorphism in this part of the movie, but I didn't see it. It was sweet to be sure, but I didn't see any likening it to Romeo and Juliet or anything.

Right after the eggs were laid, a little girl about four or five years old came up to me and asked me if the seats next to me were taken. I told her, nope, go ahead and take them. She had a bag of popcorn stuffed under one arm and a big cup of soda under the other. She tried to elbow the seat down. Then she tried her knee. Finally, I pushed the seat down for her. She smiled real big at me. And that was the start of our friendship.

At first she would just look at me and smile or laugh when something funny would happen. Then she started to whisper things to me, asking me things- "What's that?" "Oh, that's the aurora australis- the southern lights." "Oh" she said shaking her head in approval.

And she would tell me things. "It's cold there." "The momma are going to go away soon" "Do you know what happens to them when they try to come out of the water? A big predator eats them."

And that's how I came to refer to her as Little Miss Movie Spoiler. She would explain every big scene before it happened. Obviously she had seen this movie before. She also became louder, I tried to get her to whisper, and she tried. For about three seconds. Then it was right back to regular talking voice. Hey, she tried! She's only five, tops!

No one ever came to sit next to her. It was as if someone had dropped her off at the movie with some money. "Here, get yourself some popcorn and a drink. Someone in there will take care of you once you get inside. Penguins take care of each other, we should too."

She was actually a ton of fun. Very sweet, funny, bold, smart little girl. I kept thinking that if I had a little girl, she would be just like her. I didn't mind the heads up on up coming scenes. It's not like I hadn't already seen a dozen documentaries that included, to some extent, the lives of penguins.

My favorite part was when the moms had to go back out to sea after having raised their chicks a bit stronger. LMMS starts a dialog, complete with appropriate emotion. "No. Don't go! Take me with you! I want to go with you!- No. You have to stay. You can't come.- But, wait! I want to come, too!- No. You have to stay here and take care of each other. You are on your own. We have to go."

Talk about laughing my ass off! This girl was a hoot!

At some point she had to get up to go to the bathroom. She announce to me, "I'll be right back."

SSB looked at me and we smiled at each other. This girl was just too cute. I leaned over and whispered, "I made a friend."

"I see that." He laughs.

When she came back she was going up and down the aisle. She couldn't see us obviously, so I waved. She beams and comes into our row. As I am pushing the seat down for her she leans forward smiling and said, "I couldn't find you! I thought I lost you!"

Aw! What a sweety.

After LMMS had joined me and started talking, I thought, WOW, what a coincidence that that Jackoff over there yelled at me earlier and now, even if I wanted to be quiet- which I had intended to, honest!- I couldn't be because how do you get a little girl to be quiet without hurting her feelings? Every time the whole audience would laugh really loud- an obviously funny part- I would look over at him. THAT GUY DIDN"T EVEN CRACK A SMILE!!! NOTHING!! He scowled through the whole movie! What a freak!

At the end of the movie I said goodbye to the little girl. SSB, JD and I were just walking down the aisle to the exit when I hear, "Hey!"

Ah!, I recognize that voice. I turn to see none other than Jackoff leaning over a bunch of movie goers, reaching for me, just totally pissed.

"Tell me what right you have to be so rude to talk through the whole movie?!"

I took a step toward him and leaned in to say, "Well, you know what? You're pretty rude yourself."

His jawdropped. He appeared obvioulsy shocked. I just turned and left. What an ass! That guy stewed through the whole movie. It was like he could only hear me. His ear grew four times the normal size just so he could pick up everything that I was saying. Good lord! There were two teenage girls two rows ahead of him that were doing some sort of light show with their cell phone through a good twenty minutes of the movie and not once did he say anything to them. There was another couple closer to him that talked throughout the movie- not whispered- talked! Why me? Why just me?

SSB and JD silently followed me. I thought, Oh great! I upset SSB. Stupid Jackoff!

Once we were outside and out of the din of the theater, I could hear SSB chuckling. He asked me what I said to the guy. I told him and said, "I hope that was the answer that guy was looking for, cause that was the only answer I was giving him!" We laughed.

Then I added,"I mean, it's not like there is some complex plot to follow!"

SSB replied, "Perhaps the plot was too much for him. 'What?! They're birds but they don't fly? They live in the frickin sea?! Slow down! You're blowing my mind!!'"

Well, what ever this guy's problem was 1) I feel sorry for his kids, 2) he probably should never, EVER go to a matinee, and 3) he has given SSB and I giggling fodder for at least a couple of days.

March of the Penguins final review: yes, I would recommend that you go see this. You could wait until it comes out on video, but the scenery works well for the big screen. The birds are beautiful and amazingly graceful at times. And there are tons of adorable, fuzzy baby penguins! Need I say more?