How Did I Survive?

Saturday, June 24, 2006 | 0 Comments

Today was K's funeral. The service consisted of panels of pictures of K, some of her art work, her violin, and her own personal photo albums. It was lovely. I got to see pictures of her as an infant, as a little girl, as a teenager, and as a college student. She seemed to have pretty much been the same person all her life. Quirky, sassy, spunky, humorous. Some one described her as being a spritely little imp. Definitely. I cried so much I can only open my eyes half-way now. I'm drained.

And I got a call from my grandmother today. I haven't heard from her since Christmas. She said that she has been wanting to call me for about two weeks. She just started thinking about me more and more and she wanted to hear my voice. I was so touched. It was so nice to have a family member to talk to about this. Someone who understands where I come from.

Then I was reminded where I come from. After spending about ten second saying how horrible she thought it was, she says chipperly, "Well, anyway, what else has been going on with you?"

WHAT? Did you not hear me woman? A very close friend of mine has just died. I just told you that I just got back from her funeral, I'm still crying and that is all you have to say?

I listen to her go on about some things that have been going on with her, speechless. She suddenly stops talking and asks if there is anything wrong.

I say, "Granma, I just told you that I just got back from a funeral."

She says, "I mean besides that. You sound really tired."

And I started thinking about the Harlow experiments and the similar experiments that the SS conducted on human infants. All of these experiments concluded the same way - the infants did not thrive. And I wondered... how did I survive?

So if I act a little weird, inappropriate, or even seem uncaring or unkind; I just would like to remind you...
I'm lucky to be alive let alone not insane from the utter lack of compassion.


Elizabeth said...

Ugh. Sorry to hear about your family's unsympathetic ears. However it sounds like the funeral was at least a good place to remember your friend. I hope as time goes on the memories will get sweeter for you.

Lindsay Lobe said...

Compassion is wonderful asset, but alas many feel it is weak to show it, particually families at times.
I think maybe you have been a person willing to take risks and I commend for that, to take on those risks, to give to others, the risk of trying to do your best, but most of all to be wiling to take the risk to love others. As you do
Best wishes

sands of time said...

Im so sorry about that.Some families can be very self centured and think only of themselves.You are such a cpmpassionate person it must be difficult for you.Many hugs to you.

Shannon said...

I'm with you on this. I don't get where your grandmother is coming from. Take care.

SierraBella said...

Your granma reminds me of the ol'
"Aside from that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?"